Impatience has to be one of the cruelest traits a person can own. It’s there to point fingers to the wrong direction whenever it rears its evil head. And what’s with the random locations it decides to nest? One person can be contempt waiting at a restaurant for their food without a second thought, but get them behind the wheel and they turn into the demon incarnate willing to sling curses that’d get their family in the depths of fiery paradise. It can hide out unperturbed for an indefinite amount of time until that one trigger unlocks it’s door handing over the reigns. Impatience allows anxiety, accusations, laziness, and least of all anger to step into our spotlight.
If I can be honest, it’s the anger that teams with my impatience most frequently. I stare at a mirage nearly centimeters in front of my face. No tricks lay in front of these eyes of mine! There’s no chance of that! I run and dodge and leap and fall and get up and keep going but that Damned view never seems to gets closer. Or does it? You see, I turn around and see how far I’ve moved but when I look at my destination it’s still flittering before my eyes from what, I swear on all your gods, is the same distance. It causes my brain to scramble and the lack of assurance- birthed from impatience- quickly grows to anger. I can feel it boiling inside me like I’ve been in a pot on the stove and only just realized what was going on. Just like boiling heat it’s all energy but red hot energy coursing through my veins determined to find an exit. One that will assuredly explode in undesirable ways.
In these moments it’s great to calmly sit down and count to bajillion with steady “Inhale exhale” practices sitting like a pretzel in an isolated room. It’s easy to do, that. Just take all that lava rage cooking your brain and just…sit and breathe until it goes away. But…does it go away? In the words of a legendary battler of this: “I’m always angry”, said Bruce Banner when confronted on how he controlled the green beast inside. Maybe that only makes sense to those that have punched holes through doors, thrown bottles against walls, screamed their throats bloody, destroyed a punching bag, or even ran their legs to rubber. Things are easier to manage when present all the time. Less likely to show its hideous face being trapped in experienced holding cells.
Not all this reaction sprouts from impatience; I know that. But that sneaky, crooked, conniving, intolerant, disrespectful, corrupt, sleazy, patronizing son of a bastard sure doesn’t help. That’s the silver lining to all of this-the important part to pick out- call it maturity, diligence, tenacity, what-have-you, but controlling the explosions gets easier. Especially when you know where to stifle the flame.