It was Friday morning and the Friday routine was in full swing. Dunkin Donuts coffee sat steaming next to the computer with an untouched doughnut sitting next to it. There was soft chatter coming from the tiny kitchen area where the staff were discussing their weekend plans around the donuts like animals at a watering hole. A few phones rang in the distance but nobody acted like they heard them, that was usual at this time. The better clients would know their calls wouldn’t be answered until after nine-thirty. After doughnut time.
Jared sat with his head laying on the desk in his cubicle, paralyzed by his life. Singularly, there was nothing wrong with the aspects; how could anyone hate a hot cup of coffee and free doughnuts, after all? And how could anyone hate having job security and enough money to live independently? People fight for aspects like that, they dream of having that level of structure. When Jared broke it down he knew he should be in that Animal Watering Hole spitting out boasts and plans for the weekend and trying to score a night with the office hottie who every straight male and gay woman drooled over. In the beginning he did. He jumped into the jovial act loving the acceptance of his peers like it was more important than the pay and health benefits. And in some ways it was and still is.
It was a solid six months before Jared’s enemy marched into the office with that exaggerated strut and smug look on his face like he knew something nobody else ever would but all wanted to know and it would be the best game in the world to dangle it in front of their faces. Along the way he made a few stops checking in on the pretty people; it was his route. Only the most handsome and gorgeous people got the first attention with banter and compliments to swoon a married person to switch sides. The whole time Jared watched out of his peripherals and tried to ignore the impending interaction. Although the man had never come over to Jared’s desk, he knew it was his moment; he could feel it in the energy of the office and the silent buzz of electricity. That buzz didn’t whisper seductive conversation, though.
The man leaned against his cubicle wall, teeth shining, outsourced coffee in his hand, nice black button up with slim grey dress pants cut short of his leather loafers. His hair was white but full and slicked back and there was suave stubble on his face. Jared noticed gold rings on his fingers and black and gold watch on his right wrist; it matched the tie clip he had in place. The impact of the man was overall intense and intimidating. Jared looked up with a dumbfounded look.
“Hi, Jared,” the man said.
“How’s it going?” Jared asked with a break in his voice.
“Well. It’s always going well for me. How are you liking your new job?”
The man talked in a deep, smooth, powerful way that not only matched his walk but hinted he was already toying with you and it was up to you to figure out how. It was hard to think.
“It’s pretty good. I like it at least. No qualms.”
“It’s been a little over six months already, hasn’t it?”
“Umm, yeah I believe so.”
“Intersting.”
Jared knew he was supposed to know what was interesting but could not figure it out.
“Isn’t it great chatting with your new office buddies on Friday with doughnuts? Don’t you love hearing about their extravagant life?”
“Yeah, it’s nice…”
“Of course you do. Who doesn’t love going partying every weekend? Plenty of stories and experiences. You work all week in your small box so it’s worth it to let loose every weekend.”
“Yeah, that’s true.”
“And you must love the competitive part, right? Trying to come up with a more outrageous story to make yourself king of last weekend. That must be fun.”
“Well, I don’t know about that part too much.”
“You’re a quiet one, huh? Maybe you should get out more and try to one up them, Jared.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“After all, you’re spending your life in this square. Doughnut Friday can’t be your best story. Dancing with a random person once a month isn’t going to make this worth it. I can see it in your eyes, though.”
“Huh?”
“You’ve got the potential, Jared. Look at this cubicle, you’ve taken the most depressing work set up and made it your own. Pictures of your corgi, your family, old camping buddies, and,” he picked up a magazine I had sitting inside my bag by his feet, “some gaming magazines ready at your disposal.” He placed it back where he got it with fingers pinched on the corner like it held a disease. Jared looked around his space with a new viewpoint. He’d set it up differently from other spots around the office and that had made him feel creative with a flare of personality in his workspace. Now he saw it was the same life regardless how he dressed it up. Things didn’t feel special and he no longer felt creative.
“Well, I’ll catch up with you another time. I’m sure you’ll do great things with your life here. Goodbye, Jared,” the man said as he walked away and tipped his coffee cup in salute. He said the last words not as someone who had any intention of coming back but of someone who expected the person to pass away soon. It was haunting.
Jared said nothing in return but nodded at the departure. He didn’t move for a couple of hours. Just stared at his computer screen inside his tiny bubble.
Jared never forgot that encounter, not even the four months following it. The job no longer felt like a career after that. His office buddies no longer drew him in with their spoils of weekend drinking. Jared slowly stopped spending time in the Watering Hole. But the doughnuts were still good, the doughnuts still gave him life, and all the extra things that came with having this job that allowed him to be him.
What happens when the doughnuts taste like ash, when the coffee is just hot dirt water, when he no longer knows who he is and the job has created a different Jared?- he thought.
With his head still on the desk, his coffee now cold, his doughnut hard and crusty, and the ticking of the clock nagging him about missed work, Jared got up and walked out. He couldn’t take it any longer.